25 Şubat 2011 Cuma

all my loving

this is the first thing i write since i ve found the love of my life.let me tell you my story.this girl ( duygu ) posted a photo album on facebook with lots of screenshots from my favorite movies,so i send her a message ( by the way thats the first thing i ever said to her) saying how happy i got when i saw this album and the next day she had a relationship status with someone else.yea what a great start for a love story right,but wait,it even gets better,then she "unfriend" me on facebook!after couple of weeks i asked her why she did what she did,she answered said it was a bad time exg..anyway i started talking to her again and convince her to meet me.the first time i met this girl she was talking to every single person there except me.she was there to meet me the first time but to be honest she wasn't really in to me.she was kind of depressed,has gone through a bad break up,hates the city,almost like she wanted to burn this city to the ashes because of all the bad memorys and this city,if i had to admit,isn't a great city to live in.anyway after all our friends left us,she started talking to me or maybe more likely-she "had to".when she was leaving she asked me to take her to subway-even now i have no clue why she did this but im not gonna complain-so i did,we had a little chat,i told her that i was aware of the fact that she was depressed and i was the one who was going to make her happy.of course -as expected- she didnt say anything so we continued walking,while we were walking i just started singing "all my loving-beatles" i dont know what had gotten in to me so it happened spontenously but i felt like thats the only place in earth that i need to be and singing this song infront of all these people there -they all were staring at us- felt so natural,so i sang without any sign of shame which is quite impressing considering my lack of talent when it comes to singing.so she went home,i got back and thought that she would never wanna see me again after the way she treated me.suprisingly she texted me the other way said she was bored and asking me what i was doing,so we met again,and the other day as well.the 3rd day we met -september 15- i asked her out,she didnt belive that i loved her so i made it official and asked her out again infront of other people,after a moment of silence she said yes,which were the 3 letters that chanced my life.before her,my longest relationship last 2 weeks and i ve never felt the way i was feeling back then,so all these was new to me,took some getting used to,i thought that i was gonna get dumped in two weeks again because im not an easy man to be with.but i ve chanced.i become a better man for her.i ve become the man whom she was dreaming about when her head hit the pillow.i did the best i could to make her happy.i remember on our second week anniversary(!) i was waiting under the heavy rain in the midnight infront of her door with a rose in my hand.the first day of her school,i was there to make her happy again cuz i knew that shr hated school.we were both experiencing the real love deeply.lucky for me it was going to be the worst year of her life cuz of the university exam which she took pretty seriously,so we didnt have a chance to really spend time together,and all she was doing was goingt to school and after class every day.so i said i would wait for her every day for hours for her class to finish so i could take her home.everyday.it takes about 30 minutes to get to her place so i waited for hours every day for that 30 minutes.so she wouldnt have to waste her time with me but still be with me.without any doubt i can say that those were the best 30 minutes of my life.kissing her under the rain was undefinable.i did so many things for her,i dont even know where to start,ow once i carried her to the home cuz her "shoes" were uncomfortable.i danced with her in our park which was the first dance i ve had with my girlfriend,you know i didnt have the chance to experience all these things before cuz of the reason i mentioned before =) 2 weeks O.o anyway it has been almost 6 months now,i still love her the way i loved at the very begining,im reading the book she gave me on valentines day,looking at her pictures and thinking that she might not be there tomorrow.there is a chance that she breaks up with me tomorrow as a result of the arguments we had.do you know the pain you feel when you love someone and this love is just not enough to make her happy,the feeling that she is the one for you,the only one to make u feel happy but still there is a chance that she dumbs you tomorrow.as in the song " we would have slept together,have a nice breakfast together and then a walk in the park together,how beatutiful is that! so we would have a boy called tom and a girl called susan born in japan,but you didnt wanna get involved..maybe this whole story would change if told by her side,probably she sees this as a whole different story,maybe she did nothign wrong,maybe neither did i.after everything the only thing i can say is that she is the first girl i love and this will never chance,she is the only girl whose smile can make me happy as i ve never been before,she is the girl i ve spent all my time,money,and most importantly love for..anyway,love you.

8 Ağustos 2010 Pazar

eleanor rigby

Ah,look at all the lonely people.fuck the love, love the fucking.Thats what people are keep saying to us coz u will only get hurt when you love someone,thats the way we ve been told.If you look back im sure you ll say "thats f.ckinkg right,i loved some,but it didnt last long so i ve been hurt" but thats not the deal.People say one has to be stupid to belive in happily ever afters, well there are billions of people living in this fcking planet, so i think one has to be out of his motherfcking mind "not to belive in happily ever afters".I know that none of us have found the right one yet,but c'mon im talking about billions here,you really think you re ment to be alone .)